Muscle Relaxants and the Enso Circle
Muscle relaxants are funny things. My body - in recovery from a too long ignored injury - is feeling somewhat better. My brain? Well. It’s a little mushy.
But the timing could not be more perfect. It’s the week before installation. A quiet lull before all the anticipation and excitement. The work for Holding What Time Leaves Behind is complete. I have a few labels to create and maybe a pedestal or two to paint but other than that it’s done and dusted.
Meanwhile, my studio is in total disarray.
You know that feeling when you can’t begin a new project until your office desk is cleaned and organized? That’s where I’m at. After the exhibit is installed on Monday, I’m taking a few weeks to ‘re-settle’ myself. That means a deep cleaning and ‘material audit’. What’s a material audit? It’s a term I was taught by Jenny from Flaky Biscuit Press and means taking stock of the supplies I have before purchasing anything more. And then using what I have - even the big stuff, even the good stuff.
Once that’s finished a friend is coming in to install crisp, white pegboard and track lighting so that my studio has at least a modicum of ‘gallery vibe’.
This is important to me because my personal word for the year is…drum roll please…GROWTH.
Growth as an artist - growth for this artist - means letting go of the self-imposed myth that I’m a dilettante or hobbyist. Growth for this artist means letting go of a belief I’ve nurtured (yes, nurtured) that because I’m an older, white female my work can’t be strong and compelling and resonate on a deep and powerful level. I mean, seriously? How silly is that? What about all these older women artists that I admire? What about Judy Chicago, Sally Mann, Jenny Holzer, Barbara Kruger? (Actually, it’s not really that silly - the upper echelon of the art world is notoriously oriented toward the youth and toward men. But I digress.)
Sometimes I think my brain comes up with this stuff to keep me from digging deeper. From working harder or being more truthful.
The good news is that I have an opportunity to shake these personal myths out of my nattering brain chatter. I’ve been selected as one of seven artists for the 3-month Enso Circle Residency, which begins next week. For twelve weeks I’ll be immersed in a creative sanctuary with fellow humans who are looking toward the same destination even as we follow our own unique path.
I’m going to use these twelve weeks to shake off the self-deprecating myths I enjoy using as an excuse. I’m going to consider these twelve weeks as if they were locked doors that need opening. And if I give myself the time and space for personal reflection, I’ll find the key for every one.